Reply to Brother and SIL's parenting bordering or actual abuse

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Brother and SIL's parenting bordering or actual abuse"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's because the parents also have mental health disorders. This what abuse looks like, OP. Impaired adults attempting to parent impaired children. And by impaired, they could have high IQs, be successful professionals, etc. But they're emotionally stunted and overwhelmed.

My son with ADHD and autism was very difficult when he was younger (and only tolerable in his preteens and teens because he was on meds). We had to completely overhaul our parenting, but there was still a lot of stress in the house, even without yelling or hitting...

If you think your stress is bad, think how badly the members of that household are stressed out.

[b]You need to a come to Jesus moment. Sit them down, tell them they're abusing their kids, and that they need professional help with autism psychologists and therapists, and possibly also meds for ADHD. And that they themselves would benefit from parenting classes for children with special needs, and possibly therapy for themselves as well. That the ultimate goal of parenting is to not add on more trauma, but to raise a child who is relatively functional, with the least amount of conflict.[/b]

[/quote] This is what I've been thinking of doing. That they are harming and need help. They know I did a lot of therapy myself, they agree that our parents did a lot of damage,  but they are also practicing pretty extreme religion that believes non-Christian psychologists are dangerous to their faith.

Thanks for how you've worded this I appreciate it. [/quote]

Oh no. This makes me think of Ruby Franke who was really close to actually killing her kids.

[b]I think one piece of the puzzle you are likely missing is that the kids’ behavior may just be naturally more challenging than your kids. So to the extent you are blaming them for creating their kids’ behavior that’s not fair. Being a more “collaborative” parent cannot change a child’s temperament fundamentally.[/b] You parent the way you do at least in part because your kids are easier - not the other way around.

That said, their parenting is obviously dysfunctional right now. I would do some research into Christian parenting support that is evidence based. Like a Mormon version of PCIT.

Ultimately all you can do is stay in their lives as a stable and accepting adult. But at the appropriate time you may still need to confront the parents or call CPS. [/quote]

Oh my word, this. They tried the conventional way. It didn’t work. They have no skills. They now spank because it lets them feel like they’re trying. Maybe spanking inspires temporary compliance, which they mistake for it “working”.  You blame the spanking, and while it is making things worse, it’s not the cause of this mess. It’s a symptom.

You can also look into Christian counseling centers in their area. There are licensed therapists who are also Christians that they might be willing to see. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics