Reply to Are there any studies of what eldercare does to the primary caregiver’s brain?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hire out the care.[/quote]

Spoken like a person who’s never had that experience. Hired people need to be supervised. If they’re from agencies, the agencies need to be supervised. And that’s after the research to locate individuals/agencies that seem to be at least minimally competent and have decent reputation. And the cost is enormous for even basic services.

In short, it’s not like getting your lawn cut. Outside help can be a real boon, but it’s not a get out of jail free card. [/quote]

And my mom kept firing them or sending them home early. She just didn’t want strangers in the house. [/quote]

That's why you have a care manager to manage it all if she can afford it. Let that person call her out. My mother will show any amount of crazy to me and will be all out abusive to get her way, but she doesn't want strangers to see the dark side. Having a care manager took me out of the equation. There was no fall back that I would go back to doing any of it for her. I was to the point I would rather be dead that deal with one more tantrum. The CM knew legally what the options were if mom refused care, and she knew how to present things to make it all more palatable. For me it was a get out of hell free card because someone else was responsible for reading her the riot act and getting her to comply and when siblings complained I directed them to her. None of this probably applies to those of you with elders who behave and siblings who are understanding and helpful. Do not set yourself on fire to keep them warm.[/quote]

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