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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Any time you look different, people will comment.[b] It's up to you to not take everything negatively, because most of the comments aren't actually ill-intentioned.[/b] Kids in particular go right up to the line and beyond when they're ribbing each other. The line between bullying and banter can be really difficult to identify.

My daughter has a very boyish female best friend: very short hair cut, pants, never skirts or dresses, mostly grey, red or black colors, etc. Sometimes someone says "Oh, you look so much like a smaller version of your big brother", and she takes it good-naturedly, since it's perfectly true. When she debuted her new hair cut, of course kids at school made lesbian or trans jokes - but kids tease each other all the time, and it lasted a couple of days. People moved on.

Another example: when my son was little he chose green sneakers with pink and purple stripes. He received lots of compliments. One father on the playground was a little confused by his choice of footwear, but he never said anything to us: when his kid asked why my son was wearing "girl shoes" - he replied it was a little odd and that he didn't know. Oh well. We didn't mind!

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I think it's really up to people to learn to stop commenting on other people's appearance.  That's always the answer.  Tell your kids this early and often.

The idea that all of this is no big deal and people are just too sensitive and should get over it is pervasive and also just lacking empathy.  I think it's a common perspective from average looking people who fit all the basic norms of the groups they are a part of.  They just don't get it and never will.  People going about their day don't want to be "othered".  They know whatever it is that makes them different and it can be many things.  You say it once and they've heard it 100x.  And they are not obligated to respond well either to smooth things over.  But they often feel this way, especially women and kids.[/quote]

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