Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a lot of labeling and language that don't seem relevant to me in this situation. As Gen X would say, she's a tomboy. Who cares. So many girls are like this. My own 5th grade daughter is. What does this have to with trans and cis gender at this point in her life?

Just follow her lead and stop looking for trouble. Let her wear her hair how she wants, dress how she wants, and coach her to tell the custodian she likes her hair how it is.

That’s exactly what I’m doing.

And language is important (and it does evolve).

But anti-trans legislative does harm cis kids too.

And I, of course, do care about trans children. But my kid isn’t trans but is getting caught up in the rigid gender stereotypes.

(And yes, you don’t have to tell us you are Gen X it’s obvious).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any time you look different, people will comment. It's up to you to not take everything negatively, because most of the comments aren't actually ill-intentioned. Kids in particular go right up to the line and beyond when they're ribbing each other. The line between bullying and banter can be really difficult to identify.

My daughter has a very boyish female best friend: very short hair cut, pants, never skirts or dresses, mostly grey, red or black colors, etc. Sometimes someone says "Oh, you look so much like a smaller version of your big brother", and she takes it good-naturedly, since it's perfectly true. When she debuted her new hair cut, of course kids at school made lesbian or trans jokes - but kids tease each other all the time, and it lasted a couple of days. People moved on.

Another example: when my son was little he chose green sneakers with pink and purple stripes. He received lots of compliments. One father on the playground was a little confused by his choice of footwear, but he never said anything to us: when his kid asked why my son was wearing "girl shoes" - he replied it was a little odd and that he didn't know. Oh well. We didn't mind!

I think it's really up to people to learn to stop commenting on other people's appearance. That's always the answer. Tell your kids this early and often.

The idea that all of this is no big deal and people are just too sensitive and should get over it is pervasive and also just lacking empathy. I think it's a common perspective from average looking people who fit all the basic norms of the groups they are a part of. They just don't get it and never will. People going about their day don't want to be "othered". They know whatever it is that makes them different and it can be many things. You say it once and they've heard it 100x. And they are not obligated to respond well either to smooth things over. But they often feel this way, especially women and kids.

PP you replied to. But you don't control what other people say, do you? You can only control how you feel about it. I am not white. I've been told to go back to my home country. Should I have beaten them up? Showered them with swear words? It's all very well to be a keyboard warrior, PP, but WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

What I'm saying comes from experience. If you value your sanity, there is a certain amount of letting go that you have to implement in your life.

Anonymous wrote:Any time you look different, people will comment. It's up to you to not take everything negatively, because most of the comments aren't actually ill-intentioned. Kids in particular go right up to the line and beyond when they're ribbing each other. The line between bullying and banter can be really difficult to identify.

My daughter has a very boyish female best friend: very short hair cut, pants, never skirts or dresses, mostly grey, red or black colors, etc. Sometimes someone says "Oh, you look so much like a smaller version of your big brother", and she takes it good-naturedly, since it's perfectly true. When she debuted her new hair cut, of course kids at school made lesbian or trans jokes - but kids tease each other all the time, and it lasted a couple of days. People moved on.

Another example: when my son was little he chose green sneakers with pink and purple stripes. He received lots of compliments. One father on the playground was a little confused by his choice of footwear, but he never said anything to us: when his kid asked why my son was wearing "girl shoes" - he replied it was a little odd and that he didn't know. Oh well. We didn't mind!

Anonymous wrote:People have been making fun of tomboys longer than you’ve been alive. Tell your kid to grow a pair.

Anonymous wrote:People comment on everything. My 13 year old is tall and super skinny (but her pediatrician says its fine) and people are always making "jokes" about how skinny she is, that she should "eat more" "how do you even find pants to fit?" etc. It's obnoxious. People suck.

Anonymous wrote:People comment on everything. My 13 year old is tall and super skinny (but her pediatrician says its fine) and people are always making "jokes" about how skinny she is, that she should "eat more" "how do you even find pants to fit?" etc. It's obnoxious. People suck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any time you look different, people will comment. It's up to you to not take everything negatively, because most of the comments aren't actually ill-intentioned. Kids in particular go right up to the line and beyond when they're ribbing each other. The line between bullying and banter can be really difficult to identify.

My daughter has a very boyish female best friend: very short hair cut, pants, never skirts or dresses, mostly grey, red or black colors, etc. Sometimes someone says "Oh, you look so much like a smaller version of your big brother", and she takes it good-naturedly, since it's perfectly true. When she debuted her new hair cut, of course kids at school made lesbian or trans jokes - but kids tease each other all the time, and it lasted a couple of days. People moved on.

Another example: when my son was little he chose green sneakers with pink and purple stripes. He received lots of compliments. One father on the playground was a little confused by his choice of footwear, but he never said anything to us: when his kid asked why my son was wearing "girl shoes" - he replied it was a little odd and that he didn't know. Oh well. We didn't mind!

I think it's really up to people to learn to stop commenting on other people's appearance. That's always the answer. Tell your kids this early and often.

The idea that all of this is no big deal and people are just too sensitive and should get over it is pervasive and also just lacking empathy. I think it's a common perspective from average looking people who fit all the basic norms of the groups they are a part of. They just don't get it and never will. People going about their day don't want to be "othered". They know whatever it is that makes them different and it can be many things. You say it once and they've heard it 100x. And they are not obligated to respond well either to smooth things over. But they often feel this way, especially women and kids.

Anonymous wrote:It's a lot of labeling and language that don't seem relevant to me in this situation. As Gen X would say, she's a tomboy. Who cares. So many girls are like this. My own 5th grade daughter is. What does this have to with trans and cis gender at this point in her life?

Just follow her lead and stop looking for trouble. Let her wear her hair how she wants, dress how she wants, and coach her to tell the custodian she likes her hair how it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different cultures have different norms and a school custodian should not be saying that but could also be from a different culture where she/he really doesn't get it at all. People in general need to learn to keep their mouths shut. That crosses all cultures.

DP. You are saying that people who are not school custodians should have no culture or cultural norms and that, whether a custodian or non-custodian, no one should ever say anything ever.

This is not a world that we live in nor is it a world that some/most people desire.

Anonymous wrote:Any time you look different, people will comment. It's up to you to not take everything negatively, because most of the comments aren't actually ill-intentioned. Kids in particular go right up to the line and beyond when they're ribbing each other. The line between bullying and banter can be really difficult to identify.

My daughter has a very boyish female best friend: very short hair cut, pants, never skirts or dresses, mostly grey, red or black colors, etc. Sometimes someone says "Oh, you look so much like a smaller version of your big brother", and she takes it good-naturedly, since it's perfectly true. When she debuted her new hair cut, of course kids at school made lesbian or trans jokes - but kids tease each other all the time, and it lasted a couple of days. People moved on.

Another example: when my son was little he chose green sneakers with pink and purple stripes. He received lots of compliments. One father on the playground was a little confused by his choice of footwear, but he never said anything to us: when his kid asked why my son was wearing "girl shoes" - he replied it was a little odd and that he didn't know. Oh well. We didn't mind!