Reply to parents want to stay in their house "as long as they can" but are no longer safe at home

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "parents want to stay in their house "as long as they can" but are no longer safe at home"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I've been in your scenario. Your Dad is legally competent to live his life they he sees fit for himself and his wife.

I'd back way off.

Until Dad is ready to make a change there is not much you can do.

Arguments won't work and tough love won't work.

You need to partner with Dad when situations come up to move forward.

One of the easiest changes to make is the bill pay.  If you come over and the power has been shut off encourage Dad to use an accountant bill pay service (very inexpensive) or you pay the bills remotely.  I would not get caregivers involved in bill pay activities.

We heard a lot of conversation about "fall risk" caring for Mom and Dad over 25 years.
Dad will be a fall risk wherever he is at. Moving to a facility does not prevent the fall risk.  Walking up and down steps helps to maintain muscles.  Those who walk and move around are less of a fall risk than those sitting in a lazyboy all day.  On one of Dad's appointments you might see if you can get home PT to Dad's house to help with walking.  The State of Maryland is very generous with this.

It ultimately took Dad having a heart event in his bathroom at night, falling, and messing up his artificial shoulder before he would agree to overnight caregivers in the home.

You sound very loving and caring.  I had to back way off and overlook a lot of things.

It is okay to offer supports.  Ask him open ended questions.  Dad,  "You have a lot on you with Mom's care. How can we help you?"

See what he wants in terms of supports.

"Dad,  husband Larlo and I just switched all of our bills to electronic payment. How do you feel about that."

"Dad, with what you have going on with Mom, how can we help?"

"Dad, how would you feel if we had a lady come over 4 hours a week so you could get a break from Mom, go to the barbershop and see your friends?'

Back way off, partner with Dad on what he wants.

Old people snooze a lot. They will be napping wherever they are. Your parents worked are all their lives, let them nap.

I had to back way off. Arguments and tough love won't work with someone who is still climbing steps and still is legally competent.
As time progresses, offer to provide supports and help for what Dad wants.

If you don't already know Mom and Dad's neighbors, go around, introduce yourself and pass out your phone numbers.

Tour facilities (without your parents) in your area and in your parents area so that you know what is available.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics