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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a bit raw for me. I don't have examples of the nature as the PP above who has dealt with residential mental health treatment and criminal activity (hugs to you), but I probably cry 3-4 times a week due to the way my DD treats me. This may make me sound weak, but she just...has this burning need to lash out at me. She has inattentive ADHD and anxiety and I think she masks so much that it's just all unleashed on me. She's also just insecure after years of comparing herself to her sibling, who is more successful (in conventional terms - i.e., grades, sports, etc.). I used to let her see me cry, but that obviously wasn't helpful (she then felt awful about herself after, and the situation would spiral). Now, I just call her on the behavior and go behind closed doors to do it. I seem glimmers of improvement, but in the end she just cannot be nice to me. She's too focused on herself to understand how her words hurt. And yes, I talk to her about it. She knows she does it. She says she can't stop herself. It's BS, but it's where we are. So, many days, I cry. I know it's not personal, but it hurts nevertheless.[/quote]

I could have written this myself. I am sorry PP, but you are not alone. My DD is 17 and just hates me, for no reason, since I can remember. We have done family therapy, individual therapy for her, her sibling, for each parent and as a couple, we have also done marital counseling because we don't agree on how to parent her. My DD has been tested, several times, and she is always diagnosed with executive functioning issues but apparently does not have ADD or ADHD (I still do not believe this). She has accommodations at school for her executive functioning and had an EF coach for a while.  I wouldn't be shocked if in her 20s she is diagnosed with bipolar or some other similar condition. We have had her tested for so many things and the doctors tell us she's within the range of normal (whatever normal is) and that she is too young for other diagnosis.

I cry very often, usually when she cannot see me. I cry/mourn for the relationship we will never have, for the environment that hurts my younger DC, for my hurt feelings, for my marriage suffering, for the shame of how she behaves. She can be so horrible. I do not quit on her and I still parent her (she definitely needs what I call guardrails, boundaries, consequences). She has lost phone privileges, car privileges, the right to go on trips with friends/school, etc. In the long term, nothing sticks. This is just who she is, and I hate that for everyone. I also cry for how the world will treat her when she takes her attitude off to college where people have a choice whether or not to live with her, associate with her. It feels hopeless.

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