Reply to What happens at an initial consultation with a developmental pediatrician?

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "What happens at an initial consultation with a developmental pediatrician?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To answer just a couple of your questions, yes, I actually know a number of people who have received no diagnosis after evaluations or have been told that their child is a little anxious, or has some executive function challenges, but not enough of anything to receive a diagnosis. It is not my experience AT ALL that clinicians are quick to diagnose or medicate. In my own experience with psychologists and doctors, t they have been very conservative and careful. I, too, have a boy whose first three years showed no signs of any problems. He was always ahead on milestones, both physical and cognitive, and also very outgoing and social, who started to have serious problems in preschool. Believe me, I have been there: dreading the pickup and the relentlessly negative feedback from the teacher about my beloved child. It sucks. But these people really are here to help you. And again, in my experience, no one ever overstepped with a possible label. I, on the other hand, speculated about a lot of possibilities but my child didn't get the ADHD diagnosis until he was six and old enough to be given a neuropsych evaluation, which is more sophisticated and thorough than anything that can be administered at 3.[/quote]

Thanks.  Glad no one overstepped for you and I wish I could say the same.  I had a daycare provider suggest my kid might have autism and I had to resist the urge to bitch slap her.  When I told my ped that story she was like um, no.  Other things maybe, but definitely not ASD.

How did you cope with the relentlessly negative feedback?  It is so emotionally exhausting.  I make my husband do pick up so I don't have to deal with it these days.  On top of everything else, it is too much.  [/quote]

PP here. The daycare provider is totally out of line. It is completely inappropriate for someone so unqualified to offer a diagnosis. I would tell the director if I were you. You are in the worst moment of all, OP, not knowing the answers and the future, and probably struggling between wishing everything would go back to normal and fearing a horrible outcome. We have all been through this and can empathize. Still, OP, please be sensitive to the fact that you are on a forum that is filled with parents of children with ASDs and that your tone about that possibility is pretty hurtful.

How did I cope with the negative feedback... it was very, very hard. I tried very hard to have faith in the teachers and let them know that I appreciated their efforts. I think the more I "acted" this way, the more they listened to me and really grew to care about my child and eventually understand him. It took a long time, though.

I also found a wonderful therapist for my child and she has been like a therapist for the whole family. She completely gets my kid, did so from the very beginning, and seems to genuinely care about him. I trust her completely... and having someone knowledgeable to trust is absolutely invaluable in this process. She helps us with everything and is wonderful talking to teachers--I don't know what we would do without her  (I know for some this trusted person is a developmental ped, for us it is a psychologist. Make sure you find someone.)

I also have tried very, very hard to understand my child. I like books so I read a lot, and that helps me empathize and understand how the world feels to him. This doesn't have to be about lowering expectations (as in your extended family's experience). It should be about finding ways to support your child to achieve his goals.

And last, I try really, really hard to maintain a positive and very close relationship with my child. Usually this means making time to participate actively in his particular interests and activities. Even when my child has had a horrible time at school, we have always been able to have a joyful homelife. I think every kid deserves this and I will fight for my kid's right to have a happy childhood! Plus, spending so much time doing his stuff reminds me of how creative and awesome he is, which in turn makes me very happy and proud of him.

This stuff is really hard, OP. I think most of us are fiercely protective of our kids and we get it. I guess the last thing I would say is to try to talk to other moms going through something similar. It is one of the added benefits of having your kid in therapy.[/quote]

Thanks, PP.  Great advice and I will try.  And again, I don't mean to be disrespectful to parents of kids with ASD - it's just that it was so completely off base. While I do strongly veer towards wanting to be in denial, I know that something is off - but it's just not that.  And she was so totally unqualified to even say that.  On the drive home that night poor DH was like "do you think she has a point?"  That alone made me want to punch her, because I knew the answer was no and the ped and neuro consult both totally dismissed that as a possibility. Just so not helpful and not even something we needed to think about.  The reality is my DS is probably more ADD/ADHD, not that this silly woman would know the difference.  And it's the people like her that make me worry about people labeling and stereotyping my child based on ignorance.  I feel for all of you on here and I'm sorry if I'm coming off wrong.  My first taste of all of this is leaving me reeling, quite honestly.  I don't even know how you all do this.

What strikes me most about your post is this whole "team" thing.  I'm trying really hard not to be negative about this stuff, but the idea that my kid will require some team of experts to manage him and his issues whatever they may be just kills me.  I know it is irrational but that prospect, on top of this whole evaluative process, is just making me feel like a big fucking failure.  I loved being a mom until about four months ago, and then it all started going to shit.  Now, it feels like a job.  The joy is just totally being sucked out of it for me.  And I know that is wrong, too, and I'm trying to keep my brave face on for my son and not let him feel my anxiety, but it is really hard.  I don't love him any less, and I don't blame him, and I'm not angry at him, but it does hurt, and I am scared, and it's really hard for me to hide it.  I want to crawl in my bed and not come out.

Does this stuff end?  I'm reading the posts here about the mom who is so burnt out and how hard it all is and just. . .yeah.  I'm not cut out for this stuff at all.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics