Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer just a couple of your questions, yes, I actually know a number of people who have received no diagnosis after evaluations or have been told that their child is a little anxious, or has some executive function challenges, but not enough of anything to receive a diagnosis. It is not my experience AT ALL that clinicians are quick to diagnose or medicate. In my own experience with psychologists and doctors, t they have been very conservative and careful. I, too, have a boy whose first three years showed no signs of any problems. He was always ahead on milestones, both physical and cognitive, and also very outgoing and social, who started to have serious problems in preschool. Believe me, I have been there: dreading the pickup and the relentlessly negative feedback from the teacher about my beloved child. It sucks. But these people really are here to help you. And again, in my experience, no one ever overstepped with a possible label. I, on the other hand, speculated about a lot of possibilities but my child didn't get the ADHD diagnosis until he was six and old enough to be given a neuropsych evaluation, which is more sophisticated and thorough than anything that can be administered at 3.

Thanks. Glad no one overstepped for you and I wish I could say the same. I had a daycare provider suggest my kid might have autism and I had to resist the urge to bitch slap her. When I told my ped that story she was like um, no. Other things maybe, but definitely not ASD.

How did you cope with the relentlessly negative feedback? It is so emotionally exhausting. I make my husband do pick up so I don't have to deal with it these days. On top of everything else, it is too much.

PP here. The daycare provider is totally out of line. It is completely inappropriate for someone so unqualified to offer a diagnosis. I would tell the director if I were you. You are in the worst moment of all, OP, not knowing the answers and the future, and probably struggling between wishing everything would go back to normal and fearing a horrible outcome. We have all been through this and can empathize. Still, OP, please be sensitive to the fact that you are on a forum that is filled with parents of children with ASDs and that your tone about that possibility is pretty hurtful.

How did I cope with the negative feedback... it was very, very hard. I tried very hard to have faith in the teachers and let them know that I appreciated their efforts. I think the more I "acted" this way, the more they listened to me and really grew to care about my child and eventually understand him. It took a long time, though.

I also found a wonderful therapist for my child and she has been like a therapist for the whole family. She completely gets my kid, did so from the very beginning, and seems to genuinely care about him. I trust her completely... and having someone knowledgeable to trust is absolutely invaluable in this process. She helps us with everything and is wonderful talking to teachers--I don't know what we would do without her (I know for some this trusted person is a developmental ped, for us it is a psychologist. Make sure you find someone.)

I also have tried very, very hard to understand my child. I like books so I read a lot, and that helps me empathize and understand how the world feels to him. This doesn't have to be about lowering expectations (as in your extended family's experience). It should be about finding ways to support your child to achieve his goals.

And last, I try really, really hard to maintain a positive and very close relationship with my child. Usually this means making time to participate actively in his particular interests and activities. Even when my child has had a horrible time at school, we have always been able to have a joyful homelife. I think every kid deserves this and I will fight for my kid's right to have a happy childhood! Plus, spending so much time doing his stuff reminds me of how creative and awesome he is, which in turn makes me very happy and proud of him.

This stuff is really hard, OP. I think most of us are fiercely protective of our kids and we get it. I guess the last thing I would say is to try to talk to other moms going through something similar. It is one of the added benefits of having your kid in therapy.

Anonymous wrote:I have an initial consult tomorrow.our regular peds office has a dev Ped on staff. I am not sure what to expect, my questions are pretty focused, but am anxious nonetheless. I am thinking dc may have dysgraphia or maybe this is normal, my handwriting sucks, too. I have all the test results, dra,mra, nnat and examples of writings. Is this enough to bring?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a big hug to you. What you're going through sounds incredibly stressful. I would pursue the developmental pediatrician route given all the symptoms you're kid is dealing with.

This very well may be a chipping away at what the problem is journey versus the big reveal, you're kid has x,y,z.

Hang in there.

Thanks. And, I realize this probably makes me a big bitch, but I am sick to death of friends and family asking me about it. I just want to say - shut up already! When I know something, you will too. Until then, emailing texting and calling anxiously for some word from us only increases my anxiety and makes me not want to talk to you. Especially those of you whose kids are perfect and always eat their peas and always do exactly what you want them to and whose teachers talk about what a dream they are. Just, really. Saying you understand is just so not helpful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer just a couple of your questions, yes, I actually know a number of people who have received no diagnosis after evaluations or have been told that their child is a little anxious, or has some executive function challenges, but not enough of anything to receive a diagnosis. It is not my experience AT ALL that clinicians are quick to diagnose or medicate. In my own experience with psychologists and doctors, t they have been very conservative and careful. I, too, have a boy whose first three years showed no signs of any problems. He was always ahead on milestones, both physical and cognitive, and also very outgoing and social, who started to have serious problems in preschool. Believe me, I have been there: dreading the pickup and the relentlessly negative feedback from the teacher about my beloved child. It sucks. But these people really are here to help you. And again, in my experience, no one ever overstepped with a possible label. I, on the other hand, speculated about a lot of possibilities but my child didn't get the ADHD diagnosis until he was six and old enough to be given a neuropsych evaluation, which is more sophisticated and thorough than anything that can be administered at 3.

Thanks. Glad no one overstepped for you and I wish I could say the same. I had a daycare provider suggest my kid might have autism and I had to resist the urge to bitch slap her. When I told my ped that story she was like um, no. Other things maybe, but definitely not ASD.

How did you cope with the relentlessly negative feedback? It is so emotionally exhausting. I make my husband do pick up so I don't have to deal with it these days. On top of everything else, it is too much.

Anonymous wrote:OP, a big hug to you. What you're going through sounds incredibly stressful. I would pursue the developmental pediatrician route given all the symptoms you're kid is dealing with.

This very well may be a chipping away at what the problem is journey versus the big reveal, you're kid has x,y,z.

Hang in there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm sorry - I can see that my language was insensitive but with a 3.5 year old boy, a part of me can't help but feel that various people - daycare providers, teachers, etc - are just overreacting and sending us on a never-ending "scavenger hunt" as one PP put it - one that is massively time-consuming and expensive. THAT is exactly what I fear. A hunt that leads to nothing but leaves my very young son A) fearful of doctors and B) with the feeling that there is something terribly wrong with him. And yes, I do have a strong suspicion of all of these "specialists" and the frequency with which certain disorders are diagnosed and yes, medicated.

That said, here are some specifics. DS is by all accounts perfectly normal - normal height/weight, hitting nearly of his developmental milestones for motor skills, cognitive, language, etc. For the past 6-9 months we've had some behavioral challenges and minor sensory issues that have emerged, along with a near reversal in sleep habits, from a perfect sleeper to an anxious kid who can't get himself to sleep and can't stay asleep without mom or dad right there. On the behavior side, he has issues with self-regulation and aggressiveness, especially when angry but also when he is simply overexcited/overstimulated. He hits, bites (occasionally), and will generally engage in annoying habits like poking at people, licking them, etc. When he is very upset he will even hit, bite or pinch himself. He is also expressing sensitivities to sound and generally hates pants with buttons/zippers and the like complaining they are too tight.

RE: sleep we have noticed some incidents that seem like sleep-walking, restlessness, etc. He also has allegies and snores, so sleep apnea or the like could be a culprit. He recently moved to a DC PCS PS3 class and his teacher mentioned some episodes of "zoning out" as she put it.

So all of this sent us to our ped, who referred us to Children's for an EEG and neuro consult (to rule out absence seizures), a sleep specialist, and an OT specializing in SPD. The EEG was inconclusive so they are now recommending an overnight EEG and a consult with a developmental ped.

So basically, I've gone from having what I felt was a normal kid to what the docs are now making me feel is a freaking crisis situation by referring me to every specialist under the sun. My son is bright and social, and aside from a few challenges is a normal, developing kid. The shit spiral I feel is my own as all of this is making me doubt myself and wonder where exactly I went wrong here. I am, as I said, HIGHLY suspicious of all of this, right or wrong. And I appreciate what all of you are saying about labels, but I don't buy it. Society DOES label kids, and it affects them. I have nieces and nephews in these situations and I have seen it affect their self esteem - and be used as a crutch - "I have ADD, so I can't XYZ." I've watched their parents do it, too - "Well, Susie does have ADD, so XYZ is really hard for her." I fear that all of this limits kids and is potentially damaging - especially with syndromes that are so nebulous. As the neuro MD said today, "All of this could also mean he's just being his normal 3.5 year old self." WTF? So why am I here then, exactly?

There. That's my whole life story. Sorry if I offended anyone. My question about what to expect at an initial consult still stands so I can prepare my kid for what to expect. Thanks.

My first thought when I was reading through this was absence seizures, so I'm glad they are pursuing this. Are they also doing a brain MRI? I don't mean to scare you because this is a very remote possibility, but behavior change plus blanking out would make me want to rule out a brain tumor. Again, very very unlikely, but its something they should rule out.

Honestly, your child is getting really good and attentive medical care and you should be grateful. It could be nothing or it could be something (not just developmental but maybe medical) and its great that the doctors are taking this seriously.

You had me until your last paragraph, and then you lost me. I have one child with AS and ADHD and another with ADHD and both are terrific students with NO self-esteem issues. I am sorry that your nieces and nephews were raised to think they were somehow inferior but thats not because of their diagnosis, its because of how their parents treated them. It isn't "society", I know because I live in "society" and my kids are doing terrifically. The whole label thing is just BS and leads to parents not taking care of their kids, I'm sorry. if you treat it as a diagnosis, no different from any other diagnoses, and you raise your kids to understand that this is one aspect of who they are but by no means the only defining thing -- as we have -- it isn't a burden. Rather, it becomes a useful tool for getting them what they need. Calling it a "label" and railing against all the professionals doesn't get your child what he needs.

I think you need to take a deep breath and calm down. Seriously, you are leaping ahead to all sorts of scenarios and, even more troubling, you are finding villains everywhere. There are no villains. There is just your young child who is going through a tough time and a team of doctors who are trying to help you.