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[quote=Anonymous]I swear this whole “ignore bad behavior” thing is one of the worst things to ever happen to parenting. It doesn’t work and usually makes the problem worse since it causes an extinction burst.

There’s nothing wrong with having boundaries. Imagine if your spouse screamed “I hate you!” and you had to just validate and ignore. Ridiculous.

I’m super calm with my DD when she gets this way, but I’m firm. I don’t get emotional and lash out, but if she’s rude and intentionally tries to hurt me, I don’t buy her things or take her places she wants. I let her know if there’s something she needs to talk about, we can talk about it, but if she’s going to be mean then I’m not going to do what she wants.

It does have to make sense in the context - like if she’s mean to me while we’re out shopping, we go straight home without buying anything for her or we return what we did get. If we were at home I wouldn’t just randomly say “no more shopping!”

I had cousins whose parents did the whole validation thing and those were the rudest freaking kids I’ve ever know, AND they grew up to be extremely rude adults who can’t keep a relationship because they treat everyone the way they treated their parents. It’s REALLY important for kids to learn boundaries and that they can’t lash out at people just because they’re mad. [/quote]

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