Reply to My mom is like Kate Gosselin

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The resentment that builds up when the adult that is supposed to be your partner in all the work of life instead bumbles around like they're somehow incapable or not responsible for anything forcing you to take the leadership role in EVERY. SINGLE. THING. and manage them through it is real.  And results in things like regularly snapping at someone to do something because for the love of god you don't understand why they're not already doing something to help take care of everything / everyone

Obviously it's an unhealthy dynamic and I have no idea if your parent situation is this - but its a two person dynamic, not one person having a "personality disorder"

As an example my husband may join our 3 very young kids and me at the grocery store.  He wonders off without a care in the world while I'm managing the kids and shopping for everything we need for the week.  He may wonder back over with the ingredients for a meal he decided to cook for himself that afternoon that no one else likes and will take hours and leave the kitchen a mess.  So yes what someone else may see is me  snapping "can you just get the f'ing carrots and milk at least?!"

Again obviously not a health dynamic for anyone involved but also not just a me problem[/quote]

And why the husbands "take" it - well their options are step up and take on their full responsibility or continue with the narrative that they have an angry nagging wife while they continue to have plenty of leisure time and few responsibilities beyond those individual tasked that are forced on them. Or divorce  or put in the work in therapy I guess. The only option that involves no actual work or change on their part is carry on as is[/quote]

I don't yell at my husband (I think it's bad for kids and embarrassing for me in public) but these two posts nail it. I have no idea what Kate Gosselin is like or what her marriage is like because I've never watched. But this is very much the dynamic in my marriage where my DH's passivity and refusal to step up results in my exhaustion and frustration and then people talk about my exhaustion and frustration as though they are the cause of the problem. But as the PP said:

[i]its a two person dynamic, not one person having a "personality disorder"[/i]

I'm not just randomly frustrated and exhausted -- these are not features of my personality. These are the result of being left alone to manage our kid and our home while also working FT. I don't know what I'd be like if I had a real partner in my marriage. But not this.[/quote]

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