Reply to Four-year-old mean girl -- wwyd?

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[quote=Anonymous]Lots of different ideas here.  When my son, who has developmental delays (possibly Asperger's, maybe ADHD, maybe both) in the social arena, a few school tips have helped a great deal.

1) At school, the guidance counselor taught them how to use an "I" message when someone does something you do not like.  For example "I did not like it when you hit me, hitting hurts" or "I was playing with that doll, you can have a turn after me".  I use this tip at home ALL the time now.  When my kids (ages 5, 6 and 10) are screaming at each other about something, I will tell them "Use an "I message".

This technique might take a while with 4 year olds, but the idea is to teach a child how to react to a bully.

2) Before a playdate, I will prepare my DS.  Our issue is with DS wanting to control what is played at all times.  So, for example, I might say to him "What will you do if x does not want to play Dinosaurs?" We will then brainstorm other ideas, so that DS has them at the ready, instead of being fixated on the one idea he had of how to play.

With regard to intervening, I find that especially when a relationship is new, I try to let my children find their own way a bit, before jumping in, to let them get to know each other.  I think too much adult involvement can backfire, and have the child more interested in playing with a parent. (we've had the same issue with them wanting to play with DS's more flexible siblings"[/quote]

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