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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to look at her state government housing for seniors, there should be a website and a number to call. There are probably social workers who can help her apply, but you need to get this started ASAP because there are waiting lists. [/quote]

No, she doesn't. She does not actually "need" to do any of that. If she needs to maintain a no-contact boundary, that is what she "needs" to do. She is not under an obligation to assume her mother's case management just because the neighbors asked.[/quote]

True, true. OP doesn't need to lift a finger. However, personally, I would try and do something, for the neighbors' sakes. [/quote]

Personally, you would do that, okay. What I would do is thank the neighbors for letting me/brother know about the situation, remind them that they don't have a relationship with their mother, and tell him that if they want to continue helping, that is their decision, but that I will not be stepping in to find her housing or medical support. That they are welcome to continue to be supportive, but that I do not want to be involved or contacted about it again.

Boundaries are boundaries. Unless you have been in this position, it's pretty hard to say what you will and won't do. I didn't think that we would get to this point with my husband's mother, but we did, because of HER behavior and refusal to change. The only thing that was changing was that she got meaner and more toxic. It was really hard for him to cut her out of his life. We had to explain to the kids. We had to explain to other family members. It was terrible. But it was also very much the right decision after 45 years of abuse and toxicity.[/quote]

If she was [b]so “toxic” and “abusive” why was it so “terrible”  and “hard” to cut her out[/b]?[/quote]

Not the op, but I can answer. It’s the same reason young children removed from an abusive household yearn to go back. There are so many complex emotions and yearnings and denial. You blame yourself and hold out hope for so long you can make it better until you break.[/quote]

If this is geniune curiousity, okay -- but it's mean otherwise[/quote]

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