Reply to “Grandma’s Last Holiday”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents played this card for thirty years.  The only difference it made to us was that when we planned a vacation we purchased the travel insurance.  We spent time with them when we could, but after about year 8 it started to get old.  It's ultimately a form of manipulation and control.[/quote]

I relate to this so much. I spent years falling for it and we went a number of years without vacations because of worrying about emergencies since there were so many. You eventually have to set boundaries. Make it clear you want to see them and will be there for them, but you no longer want the reminders of "the last holiday" or other guilt trips because it makes you want to see them LESS rather than more and you want to ENJOY your time with them.

My husband and I also had the relatives who claimed to be dying for many years. Once we saw perfectly healthy relatives get cancer and other things and die before the dying ones, we realized we have to prioritize and use critical thinking skills. One of his dying aunts (20 years ago she started with it) is now one of his last living elderly relatives and she seems fine. He had one relative claim to be dying a facial cancer. It was a non-melanoma skin cancer. Luckily we were onto that one since we knew people our age with skin cancers.

In general, we spend more time with relatives who are sincere and kind-hearted and don't use manipulation tactics, but you can't force parents who do this to change, just set your boundaries and make things clear.[/quote]

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