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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot of times the parents of bullies are in denial, as they find it hard to square the bullying with their pride and joy. It seems many parents explain the bullying away “oh Larla is just taking it personally that their friendship drifted apart” or “boys will be boys!” or “my Larlo is the one being bullied, not the other way around “. I have heard parents say  their child isn’t involved but would defend others from bullying, rather than being the bully themselves. But it comes back to denial.[/quote]

Also, kids are messy and complicated. [b]My kid definitely really suffered from bullying but I also know he would turn around and not be nice to someone else.[/b] He has been both the victim and the bully at the same time. As a parent your first instinct is to defend him and protect him, but you also have to take responsibility for the bad behavior. I’m sure he’s not unique in playing both roles.

I like to think that if he wasn’t being bullied he wouldn’t be turning around and dishing it out too.

At the same time I felt an enormous amount of anguish over his behavior and spent maybe too much time working with him to be better and maybe not enough time comforting him. I’m sure someone thinks I’m an oblivious parent or even heard me talk about him having a tough time with bullies and thought I was an insane person because they saw my son as the bully, so I try not to judge other people because I don’t know, maybe they cry with shame every night over their kids behavior and are failing to fix it. Or maybe they have fixed it?

Bullies also lie to their parents about what is happening. I once witnessed my son trying to invite over one of the kids who picked on him the most - a violent little turd who today attends a residential school for kids with behavioral issues - and they kid laughed at him and said “hard pass - my parents would never allow it because they say you’re a bully”. He was in 3rd grade and his mother was a teacher at the school. He definitely, at that point, had convinced everyone including his teacher mother that any conflict he was involved with was other people’s fault. When he started torturing animals and screaming the n word in class it hopefully dawned on them what was up and I’ve always wanted to ask them now if the still think it was my son bullying their little monster. [/quote]

not being nice to someone is not bullying. [/quote]

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