Reply to Aging parents v young children

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Aging parents v young children "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean, they kinda are competition for your time. I don't think you have to put up with rude behavior or give your parent what they want. But there's only so many hours in the day.

[b]I think a lot of aging parents feel anxiety that their future needs will be more than their support people can willingly handle.[/b][/quote]

This. And I wish people generally would show more grace on this.

You do not need to tolerate rudeness or let the parents have what they want if you cannot or don't want to do so, or just can't do so. But, the anxiety of aging is very real. At over 50 and will a significant health scare behind me, and recognizing I prob only have 25-30 years ahead of me, and what that will look like, has started causing me a lot of anxiety (that I've never had before). I cannot imagine what it may be like for some elderly, esp if they are ill, lack finances, lack support.

One day many of you will be in the position of those you are complaining about. But remember, they were once teens, ballerinas, football players, nurses, mothers, sons and daughters. They were you. You're going to want compassion and empathy when the time comes. [/quote]

Nope. I took on this way of thinking of having endless empathy and it literally almost killed me. Some of us just have incredibly entitled parents who didn't do much for their own, but want to age in place with us at their beckon call while we balance families of our own and jobs. [b]Oh and yes, they get super-anxious because they deep down know they are asking 100x more of than they did for their own parents even if they try to re-write history. [/b]It took my own serious health issue to finally prioritize my own health, my kids and my spouse. Mom barely talks to me now, but guess what? She finally accepted lots of hired help with all her $$$$ she tried to threaten me with.If they don't have tons of money, but are entitled and difficult, you find out what is offered through the council of aging. The people pleaser in me had to die, so I could literally still be alive. It's amazing how finally saying no over and over to my mother did more for my physical health than powerful medicines.

We gaslight women constantly when it comes to challenging elderly parents. The more manipulative people will say "I'm not telling you it's OK for them to take advantage/abuse/yell/demand, BUT......have some empathy/compassion/grace" You are trying to say be a good girl and just balance it all and when mommy screams just give her grace and know she is scared. If mommy calls you 20 times in a day, gently set boundaries with love over and over and when she doesn't accept them just know....your kids are watching/you will be old one day/God sees/just suck it up lady because society expects you to suck it up.

There are options for people at all income levels. They certainly can be far from ideal, but so is allowing an elder to take over your life. You figure out what you can handle based on your mental capacity and how they treat you and then you figure out what can be offered that does not involve you. You cannot force siblings to change their boundaries. You just figure out your own and you ignore all the noise of people trying to guilt/shame/manipulate/gaslight you into taking on too much until you crack and finally realize they don't care about you.[/quote]

To add - this is not the experience in my family or my DH's at all. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics