Reply to Narcissists who are very good at "therapy speak"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m direct so I’d speak specifically to what was said and I’d use therapy talk. 
“It’s my understanding that you stated to colleagues that I have a problem with alcohol, did you say this?”.

Then id listen. If they said no then id say then im concerned that you’re being maligned as the statement was said to be made by you. As this defames my charachter I feel that its best to take it to HR because that kind of defamation makes me feel unsafe in my workplace, im so glad to hear that it wasn’t you- HR can deal with it from here”.

If they say yes id say “what basis did you have for believing this, and sharing your concerns with others without ever approaching me”.

Just let them talk. But man do liars hate to be called to the mat. Don’t take abuse laying down, Op, and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. [/quote]

OP here and I basically did this but it was an infuriating conversation. She didn't deny it when I asked her about it but she immediately started flipping it around on me ("why do you think it bothers you so much? maybe there is some truth to it") and then she changed the subject in this weird way and started asking me other questions about how I felt I was fitting in and then she sort of apologized but it was like a backhanded apology ("I'm really sorry that you are taking my comments so out of context -- I really was just expressing my concern because I care about you") and then I was so frustrated that I got upset and that's when she made the comments about how I needed to work on my emotional regulation.

It was infuriating because she was calm and 100% in control of the entire conversation and I felt like I was on teh back foot and having to defend myself the entire time even though I had not done anything wrong. I just assume this is what it is like to interact with a narcissist because afterwards I really just felt like she'd lured me into this interaction and manipulated the whole thing to make me look and feel bad even though she is the one who unquestionably did something unprofessional an inappropriate (spread personal gossip that also happens to be untrue about a colleague).[/quote]

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