Reply to Discipline and your spouse - if one person is much more strict...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How have you dealt with this conflict so far?  I would find it incredibly hard to parent with someone who had an harsh authoritarian attitude.  That said, if he thinks he's right and you think you're right, and neither of you wants to change, that is a really difficult place from which to negotiate.  What if you were a little sneaky and said, "I know you have issues with the way I parent, I'd like to take a class so I can learn more effective techniques, but I want to do it together so we are both on the same page?"  I don't know of any mainstream parenting class that would advocate the kind of discipline techniques he is using, so maybe he would come around?  Tough situation.[/quote]

I found myself thinking on the same lines as this response. Your issue, after all, OP, is not JUST that he is much stricter than you-- it is that he criticizes you for being too lax. And I have noticed with my own parents, with me and my husband, and with others, too, that sometimes a very poor dynamic is set up when parents are not on the same "supportive" page for each other's parenting-- you don't both have to discipline your kids in the exact same way, but sometimes a parent who thinks the other is too permissive will react by becoming overly strict, and a parent who worries the other is too strict will become overly permissive in reaction. Does this make any sense at all? Could you sit down and try to talk to your husband about finding a comfortable middle ground?

Of course, if you really think he is out of control and cannot change what he is doing in the stress of the moment, that is a big concern, and I'd encourage him to do whatever it takes to find enough relaxation/happiness in his life to get beyond that-- therapy, regular exercise, whatever. That is totally different than disciplining; it is the exact opposite, since it is repeatedly demonstrating a total lack of self-control and self-discipline when the going gets tough.[/quote]

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