Reply to I do things for people that they wouldn’t do for me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m a past member of this club!

[b]I think it comes from thinking we are closer to a person they they think we are. In other words, we misjudge the closeness. Anxiety may also play a role. [/b]

In certain situations, too much kindness can be perceived as trying to please.

I recommend the book The Charisma Myth—just the part on kindness charisma and how it can be perceived in a bad way if we are overly kind.

[/quote]

I was going to say something like the bolded. When this has happened to me, I don't think the people who weren't reciprocating thought if themselves as the kind of friend who would help me out, even though I had helped them out in the past and in many cases they'd actually asked for my help. But if asked they would have said "oh we're not really that close." And they likely assumed I had closer friends who showed up for me.

I do think there is an element of people just being takers though. I've been surprised by people who would ask me to help them in sometimes pretty burdensome ways but then we're never available or interested in helping me when I asked. It's not a struct quid pro quo but when people NEVER reciprocate you start feeling used. And I'm just surprised that people feel comfortable doing that-- I'd feel really guilty if I tried to get away with that. But I guess not everyone thinks that way.[/quote]

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