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[quote=Anonymous]Look, we all know taking care of elders is extremely difficult and emotionally challenging. Here I, the OP, post something seeking support. And what I get instead is a lecture from someone who says “oh, that wouldn’t faze me” and “at your age, you really should’ve learned more about people and their frailties than to be surprised by this,” and people telling me not to turn it into a “catastrophe.”

Am I supposed to be grateful for all that?! I feel like the person here who recently got chided for briefly crying in the bathroom when seeing her mother with dementia. “Toughen up!” Jfc

It is upsetting to hear that one of your parents had a secret affair! It’s completely normal for an adult to be shocked and disturbed by this revelation! Some of you seem to think such a thing is “no big deal” but to me it absolutely is. If my spouse had a secret affair I’d be out the door. You may think that some moral superiority defense, but that is just how I feel about it. Because actually adult people can keep their pants on—it’s not that hard—and choosing to not do that is something I cannot abide.

I am not going do anything about this, will not investigate it further, will never mention it to relatives, will never even know if it really happened. It will not affect my devotion to my parents, or my care for them in anyway. I wish I could pretend it was all fake and dementia-created, as some have suggested, but I don’t think it was, I think it was real. And it’s hurtful. I guess the rest of you would not find it so but to me it is. I wish I did not know this.[/quote]

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