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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Heart goes out to you OP and here's my 2 cents.

Get to counseling/therapy NOW.  A friend had those same thoughts/feelings, that her Mom was neglectful and never expressed love the way she thought a parent should, etc...then her Mom was diagnosed with cancer and passed away in a few months.  The devastation she felt surprised and almost broke her....you're going to have to deal with your resentment, best to do it now...unfortunately your parents are in no condition to get emotionally/mentally "better", nor can they erase what was done in the past.

The upside is there is a way to love/honor them AS THEY ARE for their remaining time here on this earth, you may not think so at this very moment, but you'll be glad you did.[/quote]

I agree with getting therapy, but don't let people guilt trip you that you are being emotionally neglectful having these feelings or that you will have so much remorse if they are suddenly diagnosed with cancer. Mean-spirited people get cancer too and the rates of many are rising so many of us will get it. I made the mistake of giving too much to a nasty parent at the expense of my own kids and I am still paying the price and trying to make up for that. It's not an either or, but you figure out the pie chart that works for you. I wish I had given far less to this parent and much more to my kids and my husband and I have made adjustments accordingly. My MIL was a terrible person. When she became ill it wasn't that suddenly all her kids felt terrible they didn't see her more. They had all gotten enough therapy that they knew what boundaries worked for them and they kept them.  In illness she just became even worse and wanted to manipulate the one neighbor who was still nice to her into doing more for her-making more free meals and doing more care-giving and she was livid her kids wouldn't go try to guilt trip the neighbor and instead hired a nurse to check on her and regular aide. She had it all down to a science-told them exactly what buttons to push to make this well-meaning woman her personal slave. Nope. When she passed away I noticed over time with my husband and sister in laws they aged backwards and they hadn't even been that involved with her. The inner voice that tormented them and had been installed by her died with her and there was a new freedom. [/quote]

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