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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother lied in the earlier stages to try to hide her capacity. Overstating what she could do, blaming others for things to cover up her forgetfulness, etc.  It was an effort to facilitate her own denial and stress and in some areas she believed her own lies (ie insisting my dad or I changed computer settings and passwords instead of admitting she could not remember how to use it).[/quote]
This is what I've mostly seen as well. A friend of mine's parents are still at home but declining rapidly. She does everything for them. Goes to their home every day, gets all their groceries, medications, drives them to bridge, dr appts etc. Her mom is telling other people that the children are basically neglectful. They do their own groceries. She goes for a walk every day. Calls their own plumbers/etc. None of this is true. She told a family member this who relayed it to my friend, obviously concerned since she also knew this wasn't true. It really really hurt my friend. She is giving up 75% of her life for them and they are so mean to her and tell everyone how neglectful she is! [/quote]

I lived this with my mother and it really did in my health. It's amazing how people who who have known you your whole life will believe a woman in her 80s who has been a diva a whole life. My advice to your friend is if there is money outsource a care manager and lots of things. I waited until total burn out and my own illness to do this and by that time I could not listed to another lie or complaint or anger outburst from my mother. I could listen to another doctor or read anything about it. If I didn't have a husband and kids I cared deeply about I wanted to jump off a roof rather than have more years of this. There is a lot of turnover, but even at her worst with them she behaves far better for strangers than she ever did for me. Just seeing me, she still gets an evil glimmer in her eye and wants to blame me for everything and yell.[/quote]
I'm sorry <3 It's really rough. I feel like she would say the same thing. It's an awful awful situation. And to have people glibly crying "it's not mean!" "theyre not lying!" while discounting other peoples lived experiences is quite nasty. [/quote]

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