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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother lied in the earlier stages to try to hide her capacity. Overstating what she could do, blaming others for things to cover up her forgetfulness, etc.  It was an effort to facilitate her own denial and stress and in some areas she believed her own lies (ie insisting my dad or I changed computer settings and passwords instead of admitting she could not remember how to use it).[/quote]
This is what I've mostly seen as well. A friend of mine's parents are still at home but declining rapidly. She does everything for them. Goes to their home every day, gets all their groceries, medications, drives them to bridge, dr appts etc. Her mom is telling other people that the children are basically neglectful. They do their own groceries. She goes for a walk every day. Calls their own plumbers/etc. None of this is true. She told a family member this who relayed it to my friend, obviously concerned since she also knew this wasn't true. It really really hurt my friend. She is giving up 75% of her life for them and they are so mean to her and tell everyone how neglectful she is! [/quote]

THe meanness is part of the dementia.  It sadly gets worse.[/quote]

And again, it isn't exactly meanness. They don't know what's going on and if you tell them, they'll have forgotten literally two minutes later. They know their life is sort of working. They don't remember how that happened, and they decide they've done it themselves.

My mom is about to be moved into assisted living, and she thinks she might be moving into an independent living apartment. She complains a lot that none of the nurses (she broke her arm, and once she was being seen by objective observers up close every day, it became clear how bad her cognition is) tell her anything, and she's mad about it. But we know the nurses and the social worker are telling her things, repeatedly, because we're sitting right there. [/quote]

This is gaslighting. Anyone who saw my mother's behavior with me would tell you it was not even just mean, but abusive. Perhaps your mom had a different form. Mine had a mean streak that got far worse with age. She one time confused a caregiver for me and was so abusive that the caregiver told her off as she quit on the spot. My mother had to be shamed into adding a new med to keep her behaving.[/quote]

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