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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does the longtime friend initiate with other friends or does she wait for your child to organize? Basically, is your child her only friend?  Your child can top including her. IF she asks why, your DD can say, “Since you never organize, I thought you really didn’t care for the group.”  [/quote]

Longtime friend does stuff with other friends (not clear who there is organizing) but those activities will never include DD (even if logically they could include her.  Example: doing specific activities with other members of their shared activity (a sport).  Conversely,my DD  always includes her.  It has come to the point where longtime friend is now turning down activities with DD when DD initiates.

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The longtime friend is not inviting DD and has started turning down DD's invites? The longtime friend is trying to fade from the friendship. Probably she has a new circle of friends and wants to shift to them without including your DD.

To be clear, this sucks. I am sure your DD is lovely and deserving of good friends. But someone who doesn't invite you to things AND declines invites when you invite them is not a good friend. I would suggest to DD that she should focus her energy on people who seem enthusiastic about spending time with her, and that if this friend doesn't seem interested or is hard to convince to hang out, that is a sign it is time to move on.

I wish my parents had explained stuff like this to me when I was a teen. I didn't get it until my 30s. A friend is someone who *wants* to spend time with you. Also, investing a lot of time and energy in friendships where you often feel bad (because you are excluded, because your friend doesn't seem to like you that much, because they bail on you or cancel a lot) is a waste of time you could be spending on friends who enjoy your company.

I am certain your DD can find friends who will want to hang out. But she needs to let go of this one friend who doesn't, even if they've known each other a long time. Who knows, they might find each other again. This could be a phase. But fixating on this friendship or trying to force this girl to spend more time with your DD is not going to bring anyone happiness. Your DD deserves better.[/quote]

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