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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Plan something to say to relatives who approach you? "I understand where you are coming from, but I'm not ready to have this conversation. I just want to focus on helping my sister and her family grieve."

On another note, did you ever address the racial slur issue with your sister/their child? [/quote]

The moment my daughter told me, I called my sister and told her.  To her credit, both she and her husband were horrified.  Not to their credit, they have apparently never taught their children how to make a good apology.  Many days later they dragged the kid over and thrust the kid into the room where my daughter was reading a book; the kid mumbled "Sorry" and backed away.  My sister and her husband believe that this was a sufficient apology.

I haven't spoken with the child directly about it because I was frankly too mad to trust myself not to say more than I should when the kid came over, and afterward I was on board with the idea of just not seeing them again.  Racists do not deserve our time.  I know the kid is a kid but the principle remains.  My sister and I have never been close, so this wasn't an earthshaking or difficult decision.

Long after the apology, my daughter asked me if I thought the kid got it from the parents, that is, "if they're all talking about me like that behind my back." [b] I said I'd be extremely surprised by that, especially given how shocked and appalled they were[/b] when I told them what the kid said.  My sister happened to mention in a text shortly thereafter that she thought the whole thing was "between the kids" and resolved, and I said it's not though, because here's what my daughter just asked me about you.  My sister never responded to that text.[/quote]

Very weak response on your part. You know your sister. You should have reassured your kid with a strong NO. You sound like you were playing the role of a friend stuck in the middle of a conflict who doesn’t really like the mutual friend, like you were stirring things up.[/quote]

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