Reply to Can I break up with my boyfriend over this?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Can I break up with my boyfriend over this?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really hope you've given him a warning that this is so serious for you that you're considering ending the relationship over it. You do need to be that explicit with him. Having mentioned that it annoys you a few times now and then isn't enough, IMO. [/quote]

Yes, I've said it two or three times. "If you keep calling me that, it's is going to be the reason we break up." Things like that. I feel like I've been clear that I don't want to be called Ria, and that it's a big deal to me. I don't say it jokingly. [/quote]

DP.  Do you really want to be with someone who only modifies their behavior because of a threat/consequence?  His continued use of a name for you that you have indicated you don't like and told him to stop using is an indication of his contempt - that how he feels about something is more important than how you feel. If he continues to do it because he thinks it's cute, it's, again, an indication of his lack of respect for you. His disregard of your discomfort in pursuit of his pleasure is a huge red flag that will show up in many other aspects of your relationship.

This is also a small form of manipulation/conditioning. He continues to cross a boundary you have establish (but you don't appear to have maintained it since you seem to respond to him when he uses it). [b]It's a small, but significant boundary.  He's conditioning you to accept future boundary violations.  [/b]Will the gifts he buys you start being things he wants rather than what you want? If you want him to get X from the grocery but he gets Y because he doesn't think X is [i]really [/i]what you want?  What other choices of yours will he start whittling away at?[/quote]

Abuse starts by testing seemingly insignificant boundaries. As you sink more time into the relationship and engage in behavior that makes it harder to leave (say I love you, live together, combine finances, get engaged, get married, get pregnant, buy a house quit a job to SAHM, etc.  the boundary testing increases. That is how women find themselves in abusive relationships, bit by bit.

I wish I had learned this much earlier in my life.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics