Reply to How to handle girl-drama, 2nd grade edition.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]American Girl has some great books on friendship too if you want to provide DD with some additional material.  About what makes a good friend and how it's important to have many friendship circles (different groups of friends).[/quote]

+1. The American Girl books on these topics are excellent. Both substantively helpful, and also very helpful for just normalizing the experience and helping her understand she's not the only one who experiences these things.

I also agree that by age 8 or so, so second or third grade, it's starting to shift from figuring out social norms (which does start in preschool) to modeling behavior they see. From mom, but also from older siblings, peers, media, etc. By age 10 or so, most kids know exactly what they're doing and how it's going to impact others, unless they're behind emotionally (which is common in girls with ADHD). I've been a Girl Scout leader for that age range for years, and have experienced so many cohorts of girls. Some second graders are still pretty clueless and are either oblivious or still making mistakes because they're learning. Others really are testing out relational aggression and I have to spend a LOT of time with those cohorts on teaching and practicing healthy social skills. The good news is they're still really young and are receptive to learning, but if OP's DD is in a small private, she may not have an easy time avoiding the dynamics.

The best protection from relational aggression is if OP's DD can have a wider range of friends. Does the school do lunch bunches or teach socio-emotional skills directly? Since OP knows the kids well, it may be a good idea to encourage friendships with some girls that seem to stay away from the dynamics.

And to those who say it's genetic or inherent in girls, I couldn't disagree more. Girls are generally (not always) very emotionally and socially aware, which can lead to some of the kindest, most thoughtful, considerate behavior. It makes my heart burst with pride when I see that genuine empathy and selflessness between girls. It can also lead to some pretty hurtful behavior. But like a PP said, that is nurture, not nature. [/quote]

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