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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]  I just posted, but forgot to say the older generation in my family is like this too to some degree. If you had a fancy job then marrying in made you in the group and not an other. However, the ladies like to play other. So my mom didn't even get along well with her sister, but they loved to be mean girls when it came to cousin's wife and the brother's wife. Now the only living "relative" my mom has is her SIL, the one she despised. They talk a lot and my mom tries to be a mean girl with her and gossip about any others she can think of. It's all pretty weird.[/quote]

For some people, the only way they know how to form alliances is to create 'outsiders'. 
They don't know how to make friends, be diplomatic (to everyone in general), and understand their own boundaries. 
It's an instinctive tribal impulse I think.[/quote]

+1. So primitive!  Think about it - marrying inside your family, criticizing anyone not "of blood" (the very white do this too), the toxic gossip about "she does this and she does that" - to make themselves look better (except they don't!).

One of my friends did this when her brother married.  The "new girl" was (this negative and that negative) - but really, she was different than my friend, so my friend felt threatened that she could not dominate her brother any longer, since he is now married and "grown up". I saw their wedding video, and boy, were some of my friend's family totally rude about the new couple.  Just so deliberately hurtful, mean and nasty, for no reason at all, really immature and clannish. No nice comments about welcome to the family or anything like that, as you would suspect.

But when my friend's DC's got married hoo boy - the seas parted as if no one else ever had a wedding before, and the money was flowing from my friend. It was get out the red carpet behavior, and it was obvious. I learned a lot about my friend during weddings in her family.  She really confirmed what I suspected - she can't be happy for anyone else.  Not a nice or good person, and let's just say I am glad I did not marry into her family, I just see it from the sidelines. Be mindful when people show you who they really are, OP.

Maybe you are better off as an "outsider", who so often tries to make that statement, and who is this kind of person, OP.  Do you really want to be accepted by that kind of person? 
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