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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are on vacation with our kids and also my dad and it’s not gone well.

I planned and booked the trip. I figured out how to pay for it. I planned the tours. I rented the car and did all the driving. I bought the groceries. I did the laundry on the trip. I packed everything for the kids and I. I studied the maps. I hired the babysitter to give me a break.

But I really got decision fatigue, and I blew up on my DH and my dad and tearfully begged them to please take the next day and plan it. They keep saying they want to “just relax”. I would be thrilled to do that too, but we have 3 boys ages 5, 6, and 7 and relaxing just isn’t going to happen. They need supervision and exercise.

I just….this trip has made me realize I don’t want this life anymore. I feel like my DH is completely checked out of our life. We don’t even sleep in the same room and booked a place with separate bedrooms. DH isn’t interested in sex with me-I’ve tried. We’ve had sex maybe 10 times in the last 5 years.

I told DH over dinner last night that I’m thinking about divorce. And he just responds that things are really stressful but they are going to get easier and then it will be better. But it’s been like this for years.

DH isn’t a bad guy but he’s the quintessential absent minded professor and I’m tired of having to constantly remind him of things and double check everything. I feel like I can’t rely on him for anything because while he is well intentioned, he lacks attention to detail and forgets important things (like medicine for our kids).

We’ve done therapy-it hasn’t helped at all. Is the next step divorce? Or I guess just continuing to live separate lives in the same household? 
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Op my DH is similar and completely unable/unwilling to plan or keep track of details so I can relate to a lot of your frustration with being unable to rely on him in many things. That said he is willing to pick up the slack on much of the grunt work/directed tasks so in the vacation examples above he would absolutely be doing the driving and would happily do laundry/grocery shopping if I asked him to. Instead of asking your DH to “plan a day” which clearly isn’t his forte have you tried just asking for him to do more concrete specific tasks that will take some of the responsibility off of you (if not the mental load).

Also if you’re traveling with two other able bodied adults why on earth do you need to hire a babysitter in order to have a break? Just tell your dad and your DH that you want an afternoon to yourself to go sightsee/go to a spa/relax at a cafe and just check out for a bit and let them stay back to handle the kids. If you can’t trust DH to do so or he’s unwilling give you the time off it’s a bigger problem.

Similarly your dad should be able to watch the kids one evening (especially since it sounds like he’s not contributing much to the vacation otherwise) so that you and your husband can go out for a date night if you want to do so.

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