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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your husband is a checked out father.  You need therapy for you.  And stop trying to plan anything complicated, and stop making things less than simple, when you are trying to raise four kids, unless you have money for lots of help.

I have seen this over the years - one parent is the "planner", and one parent is checked out - or (worse) both parents are checked out.  In one instance, the mom would try to pawn off the husband and kids on other families.  She would be home 24/7, and just couldn't bear to be around her DH or her kids. (Background: she got married and had kids to "check the boxes", but every time her DH is unbearable or wallowing in his own self pity and miserable yet again, she tries to detract and blame it on someone else.  The excuses are endless.) Needless to say, the couple doesn't like each other, at all.  Do you at least like your DH? If not, it is time to go - stop wasting everyone's time.

Your kids know something is up, they are too little to figure it out now, but when they are older they will see that your family is different, and overwhelmed.

Try to make happy memories together, by doing simple things together, as a group. Tours or anything with logistics is just making your lives miserable. Your kids are young - try to enjoy them.

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