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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP my DH has done this too, more than once, and not even drunk. I'm going to be honest, I don't quite see it as rape.  I truly believe he felt that I would get into it if he kept going, because husbands definitely know that there are times that their wives are not into it but they changed once things get going.  On these occasions, I would definitely be saying no and pushing him away,, and he just kept going. I didn't get into it, and I did just lay there and feel gross afterwards.  But sometimes I haven't been in the mood, and he has initiated things and then I have gotten into it. So it's complicated.  I don't feel traumatized by this or even really very bothered by it.  I guess posters will say that I am suppressing feelings but I don't think that I am, I think it's just complicated.  I can guarantee you that if a stranger did this I would feel completely differently  [/quote]

You two have a different understanding and dynamic than OP and her DH. You should most definitely have a safe word which means “No, stop right now” and he should back off immediately when he hears this word. You need to have a way to stop him verbally. Please don’t remove this option for yourself.

OP, I am so sorry this happened. I agree with all the advice that you both need to work this out with a therapist and your DH has a lot of work to do to understand his own sexuality, yours, and how you can come out of this with a healthy dynamic. [/quote]

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