Reply to Any good ways to talk about sexual frequency?

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[quote=Anonymous]The "kissing her ass" line is more out of irritation than reality. Her explanations of what is needed to step up her libido are just such a moving target.

"Don't hassle me about money." 
Ok. Fine. Done.

"Do more around the house." 
Ok. Fine. Done. With the result being she seems to have more time and money to pursue recreational activities that make her too tired to have sex once we get the kids to bed.

I think what I'm dealing with is that these things are necessary but not sufficient for getting her motor revved. At some point, it's also necessary that she regard sex as a priority and my dissatisfaction with sex once or twice a month as a legitimate concern that she should also put some effort into addressing in some fashion.

I think (though I'm not sure) if the frequency stayed the same, I would be o.k. with it if I knew she was paying attention to the issue and making an effort to think about our sex life generally and her sexuality specifically -- masturbating, reading erotica, whatever. That, along with showing me some sort of affection as a loved and valued husband rather than just as the father of her children and roommate.

What would drive me crazy is if she continued to simply forget about our sex life as a non-issue because she was getting as much or more sex than she wanted, so it's my problem and my problem alone. That's where, I think my resentment was coming from. And it was unfair because I never said anything about feeling that way. She's not a mind reader. On the other hand, telling her I felt our frequency of sex was a significant problem made her feel inadequate and, at least in the short term, pressured in terms of sex, which does not help the libido.

It's a tough knot to untangle. I think I'll wait a while on the toys since I think that would send yet another signal that I'm pressuring her on the subject of sex. For the moment, I'll keep cleaning, try not to mope about sex, and she'll make time to read some erotica and we'll see where it goes. [/quote]

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