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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One thing that annoys me about the way my mom approaches it is that she explicitly tells the kids (and us) that she is doing it to buy the kid's affection. Like she'll literally shower them with gifts and they say stuff like "Well I have to give you lots of gifts so you'll like me" or "Who is your favorite grandma now that you have all these great gifts?" It's horrendous. We call it out when she does it (especially the "who's your favorite" BS) and I've also talked to her specifically about how this is not a reflection of our values and that in the long run, trying to build a bond with our kids based on this kind of transaction doesn't make for a meaningful connection. She just looks at me blankly. She had abusive parents and her grandparents weren't present in her life. I don't think she'll ever get it.

But I think this is true for a lot of grandparents who do it. Yes, some just enjoy making their grandkids happy. No question. I mean, I feel that too when I'm buying gifts for my kids -- I have to intentionally limit myself because it's so easy to think "oh, they'd love that too!" But I think also a lot of grandparents are like my mom and they think they are buying love and don't really get that you can't buy love. It makes me sad.[/quote]

Have you watched Bad Moms Christmas? This is one storyline in the movie, right down to the abusive parents. Maybe you'll feel more love and acceptance toward your mom if you watch it. Essentially it stemmed from her insecurities, and when the daughter relaxed, so did her mom. Gift giving is also a love language, so while her words may be crass, it may actually be true for her that giving is how she expresses love. [/quote]

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