Reply to My mom is stressing me out about holiday plans!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, I would want to know if my Christmas plans were on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. OP's mom is taking it too far, but it's the one day of the year I couldn't be "whatever" about. I know OP and DH can't control when the schedule is confirmed but this week or next? I'd be annoyed too, the difference is I would hound anyone about it.[/quote]

I kind of agree. I also don’t understand why you can’t just plan and if your DH comes great, if not….what you won’t celebrate? Do you only get together once? I guess I’d be annoyed to not know my plans either. My parents will go to one kid for Christmas Eve and then we do a big family Christmas Day. If my brother couldn’t host Christmas Eve I would to know so I could offer to host my parents instead. You are kind of assuming they have nothing better to do besides deal with your husband’s schedule [/quote]

NP I think it’s pretty reasonable for OP to base her holiday planning on what works for her nuclear family (waiting and being flexible) vs her mom (choosing a plan now even if that means DH misses Christmas with his family).

If mom has other holiday offers she needs to accept or decline, the adult thing is for her to go ahead and accept and tell OP that she would rather have a firm plan with cousin Judy than live with the agony of waiting.  Or she can prioritize spending the holiday with her daughter and grandkids and accept that she won’t know until they know exactly how that will look.  OP pretty clearly gave her mom the timeline of when they will know the schedule, so mom has the info she needs to decide whether waiting that long works for her or not.

The option her mom is choosing: accept a invitation that comes with the caveat of not having fixed plans yet and then obsessively pester the host for information that she was explicitly told they will not have this week—that is rude and a bit crazy.

The menu this is the same bc OP has told her mother she does not need to being anything.  It would be rude if OP was telling her “I’ll let you know in mid December whether to roast a duck or make cookies,” but she is just not announcing the menu that OP is going to serve weeks in advance.  If you went to a dinner party, would you call the host daily to find out what they were serving?  No.  Because it’s rude and weird.  [/quote]

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