Reply to DD caught in the wrong crowd (drinking?)

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[quote=Anonymous]First - you need to figure out your rules / boundaries and what you want to say.

Personally I would not be ok with lying, either explicit lying (if she knew that is where they are going) or lying by omission (she thought they were just hanging out and then went along with the crowd).  I would sit her down and explain why her lying was wrong, and why I would not want her going to a high school party with alcohol - especially with you not knowing she was going.

Next, I would ask her how it happened.  Did she know that is where they were going?  Did she feel pressured?  If I truly felt it was peer pressure, I would help my kid figure out things to do next time to not go to the party.  Perhaps she texts you a code word that prompts you to call her and say she has to come home.

For me, I would be more concerned about preventing future behavior, so unless the kid refuses to admit what happens or gets an attitude, I would not give a punishment this time - but with the promise of a strong punishment if it happens again.  I feel like once kids feel like they are “bad” they just lean into it.  Let this be a mistake that will not happen again.

But that is my opinion, really based on my kid.  You have to figure out your priorities and what will be most effective for your kid.

Do talk to her about the dangers of a spiked drink.  A 12 year old at a high school party is really in danger of being a victim.

I might also consider looking for activities where she would hang out with some other girls.  [/quote]

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