Reply to People who "go for the jugular"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Grey rock, every time. Don’t respond, just look at them slightly puzzled and walk away.
These are normally people that were at risk in childhood and learned attack is the best defense. Later they regret their approach but patterns are hard to break. So do them the favor and don’t escalate, they will feel shame enough later if they have any introspection at all and if they don’t you at least feel fine.[/quote]
It’s this.

Sadly, I was/am this person and made strides to improve myself and understand WHY.

For me, I was dismissed often as a child, and it was my only defense to be heard! Even if I wasn’t really being heard. It was frustrating not being heard, I just wanted someone to acknowledge me. People would ignore/grey rock me, and that would only infuriate me more. More ignoring! I can’t be loud enough to be heard! Fine. I’ll be louder!

My advice is to HEAR these people, even if you don’t agree. “I hear you, Mary. I can see you’re passionate about this.” Or some variation of this. [/quote]
Dp. You have self awareness, which op's neighbor clearly doesn't. It is good you are working on improving your communication techniques. If family members continue to dismiss you, it might not be due to your words and tone, but because they are dismissive of your feelings still. [/quote]

OP here and yes, this person has zero self-awareness. I can understand losing your temper or getting heated in a conversation, that happens to lots of people. But in my experience, usually people calm down and then make some effort to smooth things over, even if they don't apologize. I can deal with someone like this even if it's unpleasant because I know they'll have an outburst but if I just wait it out, they'll calm down and be civil.

This guy is not like that. He was given an opportunity to temper his words and reset, but the message he just sent was the opposite -- he is doubling down on previous comments he made that were merely passive aggressive or a little rude, but like I said, going for the jugular and saying stuff that now cannot be smoothed over or taken back. I actually have said things like what the PP mentioned (going out of my way to thank them for contributions or acknowledge their viewpoint, even if inside I didn't really feel grateful or agree with them) and it has no impact whatsoever. He is never going to reciprocate this or attempt to repair the line of communication.[/quote]

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