Reply to How did you develop a relationship with your brother or sister in-law?

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[quote=Anonymous]honestly, i've given up.  i have three SILs.  Am probably closest, or was, to my older brother's wife, mostly because they have been together for more than 30 years so I barely remember not having her in my life.  I do like and love her, though.  I like my younger brother's wife, but don't like that she seems walled off from us, in part because she MUCH MUCH MUCH prefers her own family (some of that is understandable, of course, but it gets to the point of being kinda mean spirited, like going on vacation for weeks/year with her parents, but only being to spend a day or two a year with our family).  But H's brother's wife?  I tried and tried and tried but am giving up.  She doesn't like us for some reason (may be legit, I just don't know) and she is the biggest prima donna I have ever known.  She is self absorbed and thinks she is open minded, but really cannot see any view other than her own.  We send their family stuff frequently -- cards for the kids and gifts, e-mails and/or cards for adult birthdays and anniversaries -- but we get nothing in return.  So now I'm done.

To answer your question, though, I tried to develop friendships with them by making plans, having lunch, keeping in touch, supporting causes that were meaningful to them (i.e. making donations when they did events, doing event walks with them, etc) but never seemed to get even a portion of the same interest.  The one piece of advice I would give, and I know it sounds really odd, is to ASK what kind of relationship they want to have with you.   "hey, i would like to develop a relationship with you that's in addition to our relationship by marriage.  is that something that would interest you?" might prevent hurt feelings or misunderstandings or disappointment.[/quote]

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