Reply to Vent about my cruel immature mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry OP. My mother is a stunted bitter materialistic woman. What was enlightening to me was hearing that other people recognized it in her as well, and viewed it negatively in her. It reflects poorly on her, not you.[/quote]

Thanks. OP here. I appreciate knowing I’m not alone or crazy. My mother has alienated most people in her life and has only casual acquaintances at this point. However, she has a way of always making distance/growing apart about the other person, and not her. People pull away in a way that’s deliberate but do so quietly. It would have made all the difference in the world if just once an aunt or older cousin or neighbor had said to me “you know what? Your mom is not a nice person!”. Instead, the people who still have overlapping relationships with me and my mother walk on eggshells about the entire thing.

I got a text from the relative who was on the FT call. It sounds like my mom spent the visit badmouthing other, long-dead relatives and making it a bonding thing. That’s the hardest part. She takes history and twists and recasts it to fit her narrative. People somehow buy into it and it becomes reality. Part of why I don’t totally go no contact is so I can pretend I have some kind of control of the false narrative my mother is distributing out into the world.[/quote]

OP, not the person you are responding to, but I have posted on here. I relate to just about every word you wrote here. Thanks for helping me feel less alone. I'm glad the relative texted you to basically let you know your mom was a gossipy jerk the whole time. Sounds like she cared about you and wanted you to know your mom doesn't seem to like anyone.[/quote]

Unfortunately that wasn’t the tone of the relative’s text. It was more like “we had fun and your mom shared all the old dirt with me!”. I was disappointed that the relative didn’t see right through it. I think they were visiting because my mom had some old family stuff that this relative really wanted and went along with my mom’s drama in order to secure the stuff.[/quote]

Well then that tell you a lot about the relative.The people who have not distanced themselves from my mother are drama llamas themselves mostly or people desperate for approval who don't understand the cycle of abuse. The drama llamas have their own tense relationships so they like bonding through gossip. The one person who looks to my mom for approval had a loving mother who passed away. My mom showers her with compliments, but behind her back thinks she is a loser. Now and then my mom will say something nasty to her, but I think when you come from stability, you experience such cognitive dissonance when someone acts like a jerk that you assume it was an aberration. [/quote]

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