Reply to Vent about my cruel immature mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry you have this in your life.

Why are you still in contact with her?  If she brings nothing positive into your life, cut her  off.[/quote]

This is my question. I don’t understand why you would keep her in your life? Seems like you truly had boundaries then you wouldn’t have stayed on the line after telling her you heard her?[/quote]

My dad is long dead and my only living relative under 60 lives even further away than me. I feel guilt and shame as well as an obligation to maintain a minimum amount of contact because I am stuck with power of attorney and some other legal stuff for my mother. I’ll be the one the social worker calls one day.

I know the drumbeat on this board is in favor of cutting people off completely, but it’s much more difficult in reality than angry blogs and self-help books would suggest. [/quote]

Agree. It's not the solution people make it out to be. I hold my awful mom at arms length but the truth is that if I cut her off completely, I'd still feel a deep sadness and hurt every day of my life. I'd still have every cruel memory living in my head.

I find it easier to maintain contact but strong boundaries, go to therapy, and simply accept that my mother will never be the mother I want or need. Whether I cut her off or not, I will never have a loving, kind mother. This is simply the fact of it. I can't escape that by pretending she doesn't exist.[/quote]

I’m not sure what strong boundaries means in this context.  By continuing contact, OP is getting her mom the chance to add cruel hurtful memories when there is absolutely no chance for repair.[/quote]

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