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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Every time you see him beginning to spiral down this hole of defensiveness, disengage as quickly as possible telling him you'd rather talk about this topic later.

And then, every time, bring it up the next day when he is calm starting in a place of curiosity by asking him questions about what he thinks happened and what could have made the interaction more productive.

You need him to reflect on this and he only has a chance of being able to do this when he is calm.[/quote]

Right, she needs to walk away and gray rock him the second he begins to get abusive, defensive, insulting or starts to gaslight.

He's highly manipulative and it's obvious he's never learned about healthy conflict resolution or had it modeled for him by his own parents... don't allow him to pass that trait onto your kids too.  Break that cycle.

The moment he/the conversation starts to devolve, tell him you'll finish discussing it when it stays a productive conversation. 
Next time, do the same thing. 
Instruct your kids to do that as well... he'll eventually get the point that nobody in the house is putting up with his tantrums anymore. [/quote]

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