Reply to What is this dynamic with DH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's the thing that you are describing.  Are you looking for a diagnosis of hi personality?  How would it help you?  (Genuine question)  You know you don't like it.[/quote]
NP it would be great to have a label to this for research purposes. I have seen this behavior before and it certainly helps that person as everyone backs off knowing you can't argue with crazy. [/quote]

I think it’s just defensiveness. It probably means they had a highly critical or angry parent. So when they make a mistake, and the spouse comes at them for it, they throw up every wall they have including making themselves the victim instead of the offender, which was probably learned from the same bad parent.

I’m not saying it’s okay but I think that’s what it is. It’s defensive maneuvers. [/quote]
Alternatively, his parents are people of few words and in essences neglected him. This can happen in Households where parent(s) have disorders or are on the spectrum, just dont interact or connect much. Or have to spend all time and resources in a special needs or troubled sibling.

Thus now that he IS getting bids for attention or much interact in a household, it’s for the first time. His parents did not role model this. They role modeled silence, or worse (dysfunction, stonewalling, arguing).

He need individual therapy where you get looped in once a month to keep things honest. [/quote]

Oh wow. This is OP.

His parents are immigrants and have very high standards but are also hands-off. His dad may be on the spectrum or it may just be language and cultural barriers- I can’t tell. They do deal with big problems with silence. His sister has some kind of secret mental illness that no one talks about and pretends like it doesn’t exist, but she is out of work and hospitalized every couple of years. His extended family also tells stories about accommodating DH in a tee hee, wasn't he cute kind of way. But it’s easy to read between the lines and see that it was stuff like always trying to get him the meal that he would like even if everyone else was eating something else so he wouldn’t tantrum or pout…and this was at 12, not 6.

I see lots of defensiveness and other maladaptive stuff that PPs mention, but this reply was so accurate it took my breath away. Is this common? PP, how did you know?![/quote]

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