Reply to Disabled spouse needs in home care but keeps firing aides

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Disabled spouse needs in home care but keeps firing aides"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I manage my parents’ caregivers. A lot of them really do suck. We have learned however to tell the agency [b]“we would like to phase this one out”[/b] rather than firing them immediately.

I would not assume your spouse is being unreasonable in his assessment of the quality of caregivers. They might be pretty bad.[/quote]

That's a good phrase, thanks for that!  -OP[/quote]

+1
This is great phrasing.
The issue though seems to be that OP’s DH is firing caregivers in a fit of frustration or anger, and is not able to exercise restraint or patience in those moments in order to think through the consequences of the impulsive firings.
(Or, if he does, he doesn’t think it’s a huge issue bc OP just picks up the slack.)

So he has a capacity and authority to make a choice. But so does OP.
Right now, the husband doesn’t actually believe that OP won’t drop everything and stay home. Because that’s what he has learned (and come to expect) that she will do.
Op needs to have another conversation and call him on this, impressing upon him that if he makes the decision to impulsively dismiss someone again, this will be an unwise decision, as she will not be able to be home with him to help with his ADLs.
And then OP needs to actually follow through.

Right now, he doesn’t feel the need to do anything differently because it isn’t really a problem….for him.
He is making bad decisions that don’t actually cost him anything.
If his decision resulted in something he doesn’t like, he would make a different decision.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics