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[quote=Anonymous]My daughter is a bit younger at 6 but is also a handful.  Does excellent at school and camp and basically with any other authority figure. Whines and negotiates everything.  Wants to do what she wants to do and doesn’t listen.  I find myself resentful especially around my sibling who has a similar age girl who is just so much more lower energy and well, compliant.

What’s worked for me is the following…

Stay calm.  When I lose my cool it is just worse. Walk away if you need to. I even say, mommy feels angry and needs to cool off.

Pick battles.

Someone about wrote about engaging them in problem solving. We have had some success with this. Has to be in a calm moment.  Phrasing it as our family is a team that works together.

Also the poster who mentioned asking if they will help vs barking orders at them.  The example about washing the hands above.  We had a really good prek teacher and I observed her using these ways of giving the kids agency. “I need your help” etc.

Making sure the basics are covered.  Food and sleep.  My kid will forget to eat and be hangry.

Praise the good a lot.  It’s annoying to have to do this all the damn time but it does work.

Sometime I am resentful like why can’t I just have an easy kid.  Some kids are just way easier.  It is not your fault. When I feel like this I try to think about all my child’s positive qualities.  She is very bright, in gifted program.  She is not a follower.  Sticks up for herself.  All good qualities that will serve her well later.

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