Reply to At wits end with almost 7 year old

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "At wits end with almost 7 year old "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How much YouTube, screentime with ads or mindless scrolling so she getting when home? My guess is she needs to be weened off.[/quote]

OP here- she gets an hour max of day of tv - no mindless scrolling allowed. Just the shows she decided with her sister.

Even with 1-1 time I am exhausted bc everything is an issue: just this morning- changing clothes she stomps, brushing hair she stomps. Telling her to go brush and she’s sour about it. No matter how I try to phrase it. It’s always an issue. I am trying hard to ignore her outbursts and tell her I’m here for you but pls let’s calm down. I try to ask her to breathe. She has a younger sister who is 4 and she is nowhere the same. So it can’t just be my parenting right? [/quote]

My kids are teens now and I have been through all of this.You are not a bad parent. You sound like a kind, loving, thoughtful parent. However, I think the previous posters are right. You must ignore non-compliant behavior. Do not engage at all. If she stomps, walk away. Don't tell her that you are there for her, you are listening to her, etc, while she is not compliant. That attention she gets while being non-compliant is rewarding her behavior.

The more important part is that you must reward all compliant behavior with lots of praise and rewards. But you must set her up for success first. I used poker chips as a reward at that age. If she brushes her teeth without an issue, she gets tons of praise and a chip. Ten chips might buy a movie night or something she enjoys. If 5 minutes later, she does not get dressed, you must find a way not to engage and ignore it. Tell her calmly that she can't get a chip for getting dressed but there will be more opportunities to earn chips later, then disengage. I know that it is hard, but it usually works after a few weeks of consistency.[/quote]

So this makes sense but should i start this reward behavior- I’m trying to read parenting books that says kids should be intrinsically motivated and if I start with reward charts or rewards after a certain behavior then they are not essentially learning anything. I’m not questioning anyone’s parenting strategy but just talking out loud to see what the opinion is? [/quote]

This is a good question. I am the parent of three teens who posted above. Eventually the behavior becomes internalized. Think about training a puppy. Each time it "heels" it get a piece of chicken. However, you don't have to reward a 2-year-old dog to heel. It internalizes the behavior over time. I don't give my 15-year-old a reward for brushing his teeth. He has been doing it independently for song long, it is just a part of living. However, at age 5, I had to reward him for brushing his teeth without a fuss, getting dressed without a fuss, etc.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics