Reply to How do people do this: caregiving, kids, jobs, etc

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After 5 years of dealing with my mother and two siblings who don’t help out, I now lie like crazy. First when you call her say you aren’t feeling well. The next day say you have COVID and need to test. Then take a two week break. Don’t visit for 2 weeks and keep the calls really brief. Like under 2 minutes.

I use other excuses all the time. Plumbing emergency, traveling for work, visiting in laws, child is sick, husband is sick, etc. [b]You absolutely can’t reason with old people who think the world revolves around them.[/b] They just don’t care that you are missing tine with your own kids, your marriage is suffering, your job is stressful, your mental health is tanking, etc. [b]They just want and take. [/b]It’s taken me 5 years to realize this. I don’t care now if my mom calls crying how awful her life is in an AL place. I have to prioritize me. [/quote]

You are way ahead of me. It took me more like 10 years to realize it even though an aging care expert told me with almost all of her clients, whether the adult children visit daily, weekly, monthly or just yearly, nothing is enough and they complain and become me-centered. Keep in mind not all become like this, but those of us who hire people to manage things do so because we finally lose our minds and cannot take another complaint. You are right there is no reasoning. You just have to state as fact you are busy and cannot do x, y, z. My mother will behave 80% of the time for strangers and it forces her to exercise her brain by using her rusty and eroding social skills.[/quote]

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