Reply to How do people do this: caregiving, kids, jobs, etc

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also could’ve written something similar to this. I moved my parent into an AL place and have taken over POA while having a family (young kids) and demanding job of my own. It’s only been half a year, but it never ends. We visit my parent and they always want more, more, more despite parent being VERY active in the community and activities. But parent is a narcissist, was a neglectful and terrible parent, yet here I am…[b] I even am contemplating getting on anti anxiety or anti depressants because the burden has been so much on my stress levels trying to keep everything afloat[/b] while feeling like I have zero time to even exercise or spend any time on myself. Sorry this isn’t more cheerful or uplifting, but wanted you to know there are many of us like you out there. There is so much guilt for women especially in society to give, give, give - even if the parent we are helping is undeserving. [/quote]

absolutely recommend doing this! In my first marriage, we were stuck at an impasse where my spouse and our couples therapist insisted that we weren't making progress because I was depressed. I insisted that we weren't making progress because the situation sucked, which made me depressed. I met separately with a psychopharmacologist, who put me on antidepressants. The antidepressants didn't do anything to make me happier (because the situation sucked), but within two weeks, the medication turned off that internal setting where I put everyone else's needs before my own. It's kind of exhilarating to put ones own needs first, without GAF about how it would impact other people. It allowed me to cut bait, and do what I needed to for me- end the marriage. I moved out, got off antidepressants (because honestly I was really kind of mean without the tempering influence of considering other people), and haven't needed them in 20 years because it did give me the skills to recognize when I needed to put my own needs before the other people, even when difficult. Also still friends with ex-spouse, because while a decent person they were not good for me as a partner.[/quote]

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