Reply to My mother goes silent when she doesn’t get her way

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stop defining yourself as a “good” or “bad” daughter. Just stop.

Instead, how about defining yourself as a healthy person who sets boundaries for herself and doesn’t allow herself to be manipulated by an obviously manipulative person. [/quote]

This. So this.

I cringe when some people tell posters "you are a good daughter" as they put up with abusive behavior. Do not reinforce bad behavior. Remain calm. Do not give in. You can't control her, but you can set limits on what you will tolerate.[/quote]

If she kills herself, she kills herself and there is nothing you can do about it. That's a devastating fact but it's true. Separating yourself from her choices she makes out of her own free will doesn't make you a bad daughter. This is hard but with time, it'll get easier. Looking back now, the amount energy and time I spent worrying about my mom and trying to help her is bananas. I thought I owed her that or that I was a bad person if I didn't help someone in need. But it did nobody any good. Life went on just the same for both of us after I stopped (except that I finally was free of a burden that should never have been mine to carry).

Also, she is highly unlikely to actually kill herself. The vast majority of people, women especially, with suicidal ideation don't go through with it. [/quote]

My father threatened to kill himself for decades off and on whenever he was stressed or depressed. His depression only grew as he became elderly. He once said in front of my kids that he planned to “blow his brains out.” I tried many times to get him help which he refused.  One day I got a call that he had in fact about himself in the  head. I do not feel guilty - I know I tried to help him - many times. This was his decision. You can’t let yourself become hostage to these threats. You have to live your life. I agree with the PP who said call 911 - that may help. But you can’t ultimately stop an adult who wants to commit suicide and if they do it, it’s not your fault or because of you. It’s because of their own mental health. [/quote]

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