*shot himself

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop defining yourself as a “good” or “bad” daughter. Just stop.

Instead, how about defining yourself as a healthy person who sets boundaries for herself and doesn’t allow herself to be manipulated by an obviously manipulative person.

This. So this.

I cringe when some people tell posters "you are a good daughter" as they put up with abusive behavior. Do not reinforce bad behavior. Remain calm. Do not give in. You can't control her, but you can set limits on what you will tolerate.

+1

If she kills herself, she kills herself and there is nothing you can do about it. That's a devastating fact but it's true. Separating yourself from her choices she makes out of her own free will doesn't make you a bad daughter. This is hard but with time, it'll get easier. Looking back now, the amount energy and time I spent worrying about my mom and trying to help her is bananas. I thought I owed her that or that I was a bad person if I didn't help someone in need. But it did nobody any good. Life went on just the same for both of us after I stopped (except that I finally was free of a burden that should never have been mine to carry).

Also, she is highly unlikely to actually kill herself. The vast majority of people, women especially, with suicidal ideation don't go through with it.

My father threatened to kill himself for decades off and on whenever he was stressed or depressed. His depression only grew as he became elderly. He once said in front of my kids that he planned to “blow his brains out.” I tried many times to get him help which he refused. One day I got a call that he had in fact about himself in the head. I do not feel guilty - I know I tried to help him - many times. This was his decision. You can’t let yourself become hostage to these threats. You have to live your life. I agree with the PP who said call 911 - that may help. But you can’t ultimately stop an adult who wants to commit suicide and if they do it, it’s not your fault or because of you. It’s because of their own mental health.

Let her kill herself. It's much kinder than her current behavior.

Agree with not engaging with her if she doesn't respond.

If you're worried, call the police in her town and ask for a welfare check.

NAMI is a great resource and source of support for you, OP, your tribe is there. The short Family to Family course is also time really well spent. https://www.nami.org/Home - Right now the home screen is about October as Suicide Prevention Month, ironically.

She sounds borderline & or narcissistic and those mental illnesses don't really resolve ime. If you have contact info for her therapist, you can reach out, they can't share info with you but can listen. Nothing you say is going to cause her to change. Is it possible that she may have early symptoms of dementia?

If you fear for her safety you can call police and request a wellness check.

It's really hard, you need to figure out what you can live with. Some people do follow through re: their threats, I personally had to make peace with that and where my boundaries are and what steps/protocol I was willing to take. Wishing you peace, OP.

Anonymous wrote:“Silent treatment and threats of suicide are emotional abuse. I will not tolerate this kind of treatment from you any longer. If you want to have a mature and honest relationship, I am open to that. If you want to guilt, control, manipulate and resort to these unhealthy tactics, then I am not interested in a relationship with you.”

YES! +1,000

“Silent treatment and threats of suicide are emotional abuse. I will not tolerate this kind of treatment from you any longer. If you want to have a mature and honest relationship, I am open to that. If you want to guilt, control, manipulate and resort to these unhealthy tactics, then I am not interested in a relationship with you.”