Reply to "Your spouse should handle the ILs" Why?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The other piece of this is that for me (a woman), I handle about 80% of the day to day logistics of my family's life. My inlaws are fine, but I do not need to add managing them to my already quite full plate.

In terms of balancing household labor in my own house, it has worked much better for me to have bright lines around things that are "not mine" because it absolves me of needing to take action / take care of a particular thing. This means my MIL texts both me and her son about (whatever the issue of the day is), he will respond.

My parents would never DREAM of texting my husband (I deal with them on my own), so this means that the family organizing/obligation labor is roughly equally distributed.[/quote]

I’d never thought of this, but my interactions are the same way. We live far from both ILs and my parents and texting is the main form of communication used by all. My MIL always includes her son and me on texts about presents, mailings, plans etc. My mom would never think to include him on texts like that. Neither Dads make any of these plans. I tend to let my husband respond to his mom unless it’s a “did the package arrive” type question and I’m already home.

So letting my husband deal with his mom just evens it out as I’m dealing with mine. [/quote]

Yes - both of these posts are spot on.  Also, in my case, interactions with my MIL (and, to some extent, my FIL) require at least 5x more back and forth and potential for unintended offense / her to take something differently than I intended or to take offense than (I think) they should.  I have a lot of other things at home that are in my "portfolio" of stuff that I manage, so generally speaking I don't take these conversations on because they are a minefield of time and emotions that my DH is just better conditioned to handle.  [/quote]

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