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[quote=Anonymous]I have considered it, OP.  I actually volunteered with a local organization mentoring kids in foster care for several years.  That was really eye opening for me.  (Not the experience of foster care — I knew about that intellectually at least going in — but the cultural and personality divide between my experience and mentoring techniques and what my mentee needed/expected.)  I don’t think I changed her life for the better (her very experienced and awesome foster mom did that).  I think I brought her some happiness and joy while she was struggling with high school and I’m glad of that.  But it has made me seriously consider whether I’m really in a position to help a traumatized teen in useful ways.  I think (my kids are younger than yours so I have a while before I’d even consider it) I rather than going in with a plan to adopt a teen I would prefer to become a registered foster parent for elementary to tween kids.  I think the PP who said that with older kids you can’t assume your place in their lives is spot on and I think focusing on myself as a foster parent/temporary safe adult rather than parent parent would help with my mindset about that and consequently my ability to actually provide useful to support.

So in short, I think you should absolutely keep researching it if you really want to adopt but I would definitely make sure you aren’t approaching it from the perspective of how good a parent you are because (a) you have no idea how you’ll do with a severely traumatized kid and (b) they’ll likely not think of you as a parent for years if at all.[/quote]

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