Reply to I was scolded for my past

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I appreciate everyone thank you.

May I ask, how is it obvious that I’m on the spectrum? I’ve never been diagnosed but maybe I am![/quote]

I'm the PP who said that. I live with autistic people, and have met many others in the course of their therapies. I'm not sure it's obvious to others, but from the way you write about yourself and your interactions, you display a lot of rigidity about your social expectations and life trajectory.  It appears you see yourself as having been, essentially, "bad", and you perseverate and can't let it go. That is very typical of high-functioning autism. Often patients have comorbidities, so you could also be depressed and socially anxious. But your way of assessing your past is very caricatural, there seems to be no room for flexibility, emotional maturity and compassion, and that is mostly an autistic thing.

The label matters only as much as it helps you figure out strategies to help yourself.

About your friends: if no friends feel like real friends... it's perhaps because you don't quite connect. Maybe your responses aren't quite on target with the subject matter (off topic, oversharing, making light of serious things, or taking a joke seriously). It's really, really hard for people on the spectrum to have a meaningful, deep friendship with someone.

Or maybe I'm totally wrong, in which case I apologize.

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